holli

[note: I posted this to tumblr last night; this version is slightly cleaned up. and I added links to pictures!]

The national costume portion of the Miss Universe pageant is here, and this time there’s VIDEO.

I’ve never actually seen these costumes in motion before! They are even more bonkers this way and it’s GREAT.

I kind of want to liveblog this.

–fuck it, here we go from the start:

I’m skipping the opening section, which is lovely but not the feather-covered hot mess I’m here for.

Miss Albania is leaning hard into “Image Comics supervillainess in a skirt cape.”

Miss Angola seems super excited about not having to wear heels? Her costume looks really cool in motion, especially while she’s dancing.

…oh, no, Miss Argentina. No. You clearly don’t want to be doing this. I don’t want you to be doing this. Everything but the giant feather plume on top would be right at home in a post about impractical fantasy armor in video games.

Miss Armenia Is… fine? I guess. Princess Leia vibes, except for the hat.

If Miss Aruba lowers her arms or lets go of her shoulder-harness apparatus for more than about three seconds, I’m pretty sure the whole back half of her costume falls off.

Miss Australia looks like a fancy jellyfish, in a good way. Also clearly gloating about how she gets to walk normally and lower her arms.

Miss Bahamas is… wearing a pineapple under the sea? I think if she lets go of her hoop skirt the whole thing will deflate.

Miss Barbados is loving her awesome disco stingray outfit and I am happy for her.

Miss Belgium can only walk in her dress if she holds the two sides of her skirt out of the way. I’m sensing a theme.

“This costume was chosen by the people of Belize after they were given three options on social media.” REALLY want to know what the other two were.

Miss Bolivia is dressed as salt. Miss Bolivia cannot lower her arms. I’m sorry, Miss Bolivia. Your costume does look cool in motion, at least.

Miss Brazil RULES and is clearly super excited about her costume, which makes sense especially once the giant pair of wings unfurls from her back. Significantly better-engineered than Miss Aruba’s.

Aw. Miss British Virgin Islands would look less like the only kid whose parents didn’t help with her costume if she wasn’t coming right after Brazil. Also her hat is giving me strong Drop Dead Gorgeous vibes.

Miss Bulgaria: first person wearing flats of the night, first person wearing an actual national costume of the night. Aw, honey. You look very sweet. I like your embroidery!

Miss Cambodia is wearing a map of Cambodia AND a replica of Angkor Wat on her head. That is… a lot. Thankfully she, like all of these women, has incredibly good posture.

Miss Canada WHAT ARE YOU DOING. NO. WHY. THIS IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.

Continuing on:

Miss Cayman Islands is wearing a skirt that is literally as wide as she is tall. Would love to see how many doorways she had to navigate en route to the stage.

Not sure how I feel about Miss Chile’s take on indigenous clothing? Probably the original version had, like. Less glitter. And flats.

Miss China apparently going with “what if Chinese opera, but also a bare midriff? And kind of pajamas, also?”

Miss Colombia kind of looks like one of the Project Runway challenges where they can only use what they find at, like, a supermarket or a hardware store. Her shoes are not good. her hair looks great!

…I’m sorry, Miss Costa Rica, but your blue morpho butterfly costume pretty just makes me want to crack ALL the Venture Bros jokes and that’s all I got. Also your bustier is poorly fitted.

Miss Croatia’s transforming costume probably sounded like a good idea on paper and the end result is fine, but I’m not sure it had the impact she wanted.

Miss Curacao’s costume represents women’s empowerment, which she has interpreted to mean ‘skirts so wide the she is guaranteed enough personal space and an expression of implacable disdain.’ which checks out, yeah. And her bustier fits much better.

oh no, Miss Czech Republic, what happened? Did the airline lose your real costume, and you had to improvise?

Miss Denmark, if you were going to do a Snow Queen thing the Elsa cosplay is right there waiting for you, so I’m not sure why you went with ‘belly dancer in lace tights and a lace cape.’

Miss Dominican Republic is… a sexy turtle. Okay!

Miss Ecuador sees Brazil’s motorized hummingbird wings, and has chosen to answer them with FISTFULS OF GLITTER. And a ton of different textures. Oh, and it transforms! Honestly, I like this one.

aw, c’mon, Miss Egypt didn’t even try.

holy shit, Miss El Salvador has a sword AND a radius equal to her height. and, I assume, incredibly good posture, core strength, and balance.

“this costume represents Finnish nature and women’s rights.” Not sure how we got from there to ‘sexy Valkyrie wearing a giant billowy scarf over her horns’?

Miss France: ‘fuck it. glittery bikini and a waist cape made of tulle in flag colors. there. done.’ also she has epaulettes that look like soccer balls?

tbh Miss Georgia is wearing the better version of Miss Armenia's dress.

Miss Germany looks like a character Jack Kirby designed for the New Gods and never used because she was a little too on the nose. She’s being a good sport about it, though.

I really enjoy the ones who stay in character instead of being really smiley, and Miss Ghana is committing to her role as warrior queen.

Miss Great Britain is wearing a suffragette-themed showgirl costume, which is something I’m not sure you could even explain to a suffragette enough for them to be mad about.

oh wow, Miss Greece is NOT wearing any sort of variation on ‘sexy toga’ which may be a first in the time I’ve been following this pageant. I like her lil velvet jacket! Honestly, if the skirt was knee-length I’d wear that oufit.

I think I like Miss Guam’s version of the national flower outfit more than Miss Colombia’s, but not as much as Miss Australia’s.

If Miss Guatemala and Miss El Salvador got in a fight I have no idea who would win, but it would look awesome and there would be feathers EVERYWHERE.

Miss Haiti look really happy about her costume, probably because she can sit down in it.

Miss Honduras’ dress is legitimately very pretty but I think she’s having trouble walking in it.

“this dress was made by a famous Hungarian designer” this “dress’ is a bustier that is mostly sheer where is isn’t spangly, and a cape. c’mon, Hungary.

guys there is still over an HOUR of this left

Miss Iceland is wearing a very nice lavender-themed (the flower and the color) gown and looks like she might, at any second, start singing about how the hills are alive with the sound of music.

Miss India brought her own throne! AND a sword! and once she put down the throne backpack I genuinely like the outfit!

Miss Indonesia is allegedly a bird of paradise, but the red-yellow-and-white color scheme is kind of saying ‘rooster.’

–LOL OMG IT HAS MOTORIZED FAKE BIRDS ON THE BACK

Miss Ireland is a sexy pub sign. okay

–oh thank god there is a traditional dancing halftime show which I am skipping, now there’s.. still over an hour, gr8

Miss Israel’s gown is actually really pretty and interesting and needs slightly too much explaining.

“this gown represents something Jamaica is well-known for: track and field dominance.” she just dabbed. OKAY

Miss Japan just straight up cosplayed Sailor Moon! GOOD FOR HER

Miss Kazakhstan looks pretty badass, tbh. I like her wings. The backsplash thing isn’t even necessary.

I like Miss Kenya’s dress but I would feel better if she could see out of both eyes.

Miss Korea is wearing an actual traditional national costume! I was afraid for a minute she would take off the jacket and it would be Sexy underneath, but no! Not super in love with the colors, though.

Miss Kosovo has an advantage in that her actual national costume is a legit great-looking style. all of the Sexy add-ons detract more than anything.

Miss Kyrgyzstan looks like a rad space pirate queen.

Miss Laos brought two life-size puppet friends????? OKAY????

is Miss Lebanon wearing an unused leftover space empress costume from Jupiter Ascending? MAYBE.

[and that's where I stopped for the night. there are still forty minutes left. watch this space!]