poem!

[holli]

I have a serious black leather notebook
to write in, serious glasses
with plastic tortoiseshell frames.

I have certain unshakeable ways of writing and thinking,
certain jokes that only certain people make.
These are my tribal colors, though I try

not to think about the fact that once,
tne thousand years ago, I would have smeared
certain colors of paint across my face,

would have hung the teeth of certain animals
around my neck. Really, it's no different
from all the concert t-shirts, jeans worn thin

with hours of sitting. I'm a tribal creature,
like it or not, for all my writerly accessories,
my leather notebook and plastic glasses.



I think it needs something-- maybe another stanza, somewhere in between the third and fourth. Or maybe it's just generally terrible. Mmph.

Comments

[debg.livejournal.com]

Not terrible, from where I'm sitting. One or two places where it's a bit self-conscious, maybe. "Writely", I would lose that; it's sort of coy.

The piece has a rhythm to it, you know. I think you may be right, about it needing another stanza, or perhaps just a finishing couplet.

[holli.livejournal.com]

It was actually meant to be "writerly," but I admit that's not much better. Stupid typos. I'll fix that.

[tralf2001.livejournal.com]

I agree with the needing another stanza, but I like the idea.